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I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a aunt, a friend, a godmother, and best of all....A child of God!!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

One Day...I can & I will....


Well....The feelings I had on my brothers home being sold is some what better, but still hurts so deep, its part of " final " I'm not liking about the whole thing, I knew this was going to happen sooner or later but I seriously was hoping for later, I cant take that hour drive over there any more and go peek through the windows of what was once my brother's home, cant get out of the car and sit on those steps that go up to his house and talk to him, and look across the street to the cotton field that he once worked in, so many " I cant's " and I know that is just being selfish on my part, but thats being human when we grieve, we hold on too every bit of what we had that was theres and when we can no longer do that it hurts, hurts real bad, its the part of letting go that we dont like, and this little sister is trying to do just that, let go..... so many people have told me " you've got memories & his love" yes, that I do have, but memories cant take the place of not ever hearing his voice, or his laugh, or feeling those arms hug me, or smelling his cologne, or the few misunderstandings we had, so while I hang on to all those things and be stinchy with them, I will continue to cry, crying is getting less and less and I know that is God taking good care of me, he loves me and is allowing me to miss my brother so I can look forward to the promise land to live with him and my brother, and both of my daddy's!
The person that bought my brothers home
is an ex husband of one of my brothers friends wife, and they all get along and my brother liked this man, so at least it isnt a stranger, they've done allot of work to the house already my niece told me, like my niece told me " Aunt Annette, Dad is smiling on who bought it " my poor mom is taking it very hard, I mean... VERY HARD, she asked me " Why is God allowing me to stay here?" I reminded her that her work that God has planned for her to do on this earth isnt done yet, her heart is so broken and it saddens me, she told " I just wanna throw in the towel " I told her " I just catch that towel & I'll leave you with nothing than a wash cloth, now try drying off with that!!"
I use to sit and say "I couldnt live with o
ut my brother being in my world" but I am.... and now he's waiting for me and Momma to live with him in his new life....





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3 comments:

Irene said...

Oh Annette, I don't know if there is anything I know how to say to help you through this difficult time. Know I'm thinking of you often.

kimberly said...

thinking of you my dear friend....and hoping that with each day there is some healing for your heart and your mama's too. finality is very hard....and it is a long time....so take some time to grieve also.
love you.
kimberly

Donetta said...

loving you
Perhaps Annette writing all the story. His story with you. Noting down the humor and anger and the smells. Naming them.
Perhaps it may or may not help
just a thought.
It could be a written legacy of him for you and your children

~The mind is like a parachute
it works best when it is opened~

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