All is getting better

My mom is home!! FINALLY, shes been gone for 2 weeks, and you know to be honest with you at first I was happy she was leaving, I needed MY time, this lovely lady as so many of you know as "My mom" whose name is Joyce was calling all the time, like 3 times a day after her only son passed, but then when she was gone, I was calling her like once a day every other day, then I really started missing her, speaking of calling someone, I caught myself wanting to call my brother, and I did at one point, just so I could hear his voice, but his children turned off his answering machine. So much still goes on in head with my brother, the coroners report said his death was CHF (congested heart failure) and cardio myropothy, (enlarged heart) and that he did have, a huge heart...what happens with that is the heart muscle gets big, due to the enlarging of the heart, and his heart just wasn't pumping the blood right, the heart gets floppy, kind of like a beach ball when the air is let out a little, and the strain the muscle puts on the heart from working so hard to pump its blood, and it just gives out, enlarged heart? beach ball? well my brother did and still does have a big heart and he loved a good time, and a good time he is having in heaven!
The days are getting better for me, not crying as much, not feeling like my brain is foggy.......
Can you believe the stores putting out Christmas stuff already?? goes to show they are juts trying to make a buck, I don't remember as a child Christmas stuff being out this early, and some stores had Halloween stuff and Christmas stuff out at the same time, in fact on Halloween night, I went down the Walgreen's to get a bag of candy to pass, I wasn't going to pass candy, cause my brother just had left mom and I 5 days earlier, then I thought, he would want me too and low and behold, Halloween stuff and Christmas stuff out and an isle apart from one another and I thought "How morbid" and I told the cashier what I thought, Hmmmm, imagine that, me keeping my mouth shut on something I think is wrong....Doesn't happen!!
I love Christmas and its not " Happy holidays" its "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"
The doctor took me off until Dec. 1, after I told him I wasn't ready to go back, I told him how I didn't want to deal with people, that I seriously didn't belong out in public yet, I know some of you are chuckling at that, but its the truth, here's a few examples, went to the store, I walked around a corner and this girl almost hit me with her cart, I stood there, didn't say a word, she looked at me and said "Excuse you" and I said " No! excuse you, you stupid idiot" went to go buy some shoes to wear to my brothers funeral, just walked in the store, I mean I litterly just walked in the store, maybe took a total of 3 steps, and the cashier said " Can I help you find anything?" I know, I know, shes only doing her job, and I said back " Cr*p now, I don't know, I just walked in" then I did find something and I had to come face to face with this sweet person I just yelled at, talk about shame, I apologized, and Larry briefly told her why I was acting the way I did, she was sweet and understanding, and he meant well, then I tore into him for explaining, she didn't need a explanation, and apology was enough I told him, so see why I don't belong in public??............


I LOVE YOU~