tHIS & ThAT....

OOPS!! I had to juggle some bills around, kind of like the "rob from Peter to pay Paul" thing and the Internet had to suffer. Well, not exactly the Internet that had to suffer, Amanda, Johnanthon and myself did! but it's up again and I'm fine, not too much going on here, same ol same ol kind of thing.
Although Johnanthon came home from school today to tell me about his math teacher committing suicide on Wednesday night sometime, I guess the teacher's girlfriend broke up with a few weeks back, he wrecked his car, that was almost paid off, and Johnanthon said he'd make comments about how he thought the class room size was too big and stressful, and few times made comments about killing himself before coming to work. I told Johnanthon, "Too bad no one really heard the cry for help from him, cause they could have saved his life and saved his family from all this hell they are going through right now" Johnanthon said today at school they had kind of like a memorial thing for him, kids brought flowers and wrote notes, he said "Mom it was so depressing today at school, everyone crying all day" I explained to him that was their way of grieving and you had to respect that, then he said, and I smiled but got a little teary eyed at the same time "Why be so sad, he left a cruel world to go a better place" Johnathon really liked him, and that's so strange for him to like teachers, but this teacher made some kind of impact on him of some kind......Awwwwww, my Johnathon.
Then I got to thinking of when I was in that state of mind, its the most horrible life, I think I ever lived, some people understanding, some not, was told to "Get a grip on life, snap out of this sh*t Annette, O' come on now....whats so bad that you cant deal with it?" until they've walked in the shoes people who suffer from that, they have no clue what it is like, I am NO LONGER in that state of suicide, but depression does knock on my door from time to time and I'm dumb enough to open the door and let in it! but anymore I can bring myself out of it, it takes time, along time, but I can do it with a special love from God and friends, half the time it's my family that does it too me, and I know they truly don't mean too, they have to clue what they are doing to me, I know they love me but Satin wants me to think they don't and I have to stomp him right back in the ground, he lives below me, I live above him and God lives above me, so I am stronger than Satin cause things below me are NOTHING!!
I hear Amanda laughing so much more now, it's a sweet sound to my ears, she's surprised me by snapping back so quick, O they are times still, believe me, but nothing like before, I have to remind her from time to time she still lives in my home and not on her own, threatened her a few times to charge her for the bed she sleeps on, and that straighten her right up for a few weeks, lol. I've noticed her only acting ugly once a month, so I try not to let her get to me during that time, but for the most part, shes HAPPY again! and that's so nice. Life is getting good again around here.........