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I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a aunt, a friend, a godmother, and best of all....A child of God!!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

" every where teengers....& Gilbert"



I woke this morning to find a house full of teenagers!! YIKES, Blake on the couch, that's Amanda and Johnanthond friend since elementary school, Chris on the floor in the living room, Amanda has a day bed, and either she or Chris had dragged it out the extra mattress to the living room and their he laid! I know all of them went bowling at midnight, and guess what? 3 of the 4 will be waking to the sound of my Kenmore Vacuum (hehehehe) I know I had wrote that I would post about my Dad and I still might, who knows? I had the strangest dream about him, seems so real to me...I dreamed that he gave me a picture of himself to post on my blog! I can see the picture in my mind so clearly and I can see him standing before me so clearly, my heart wants to cry but wants to be happy too, in my dream I could smell him, not the smell from the cancer, but his very own unique smell, its mind boga leaning! I loved this man, he was my best friend, he fought the cancer so hard to see my first baby, that's a whole different story there, a baby that came into this world when my mom already had so much on her plate to deal with, then I dropped that on it. I remember being in labor with Amanda and wanted him there at the hospital, begging him to please let Mom put him in that wheel chair and come be by my side, I told him I didn't need Larry's hand to hold just his, but he was so tired that day, so I ordered the nurses not to hang up my phone and told mom not to hang up their phone, only if it was an emergency then she could and my dad listened to everything, I had my Dr. explained things to him over the phone, my Dr. knew my dad was dying and he heard everything! Gilbert married my mom when I was in the 6 grade and raised me! he hired a PI to find my real dad for me, him and Momma got in this huge fight over that, and he said "Joyce, every child deserves the right to know their own father, you cant make her mind up for her, you might think he's an a** , but she has the right to make her own mind up about him" I miss him so much, you have no clue how it hurts, and I really don't know why I am so sad about it, he's in heaven I have no doubt about it. He was perfect in every sense of the word, he was so funny too, when him and my mom would be arguing, instead of fighting back with words, he'd walk our property line, we had 20 acres and you could his little mouth just a flapping away, and I'd watch him from their bedroom window and giggle and then when he decided to come back in things where fine on his part! Life wasn't easy for him and Mom, he had 3 children from a previous marriage, that hated Momma, he was a drinker, and a lady chaser, but they worked through all those awful things and made the marriage work, but in my eyes no matter what he did he was perfect!! He never, never, never was mean to me, he'd get mad at Momma sometimes for being to mean to me. I finally had a Daddy in my life!!

p.s.
my Dad loved Mickey mouse, that's why the mickey mouse picture!
My Dad's birthday was yesterday, he'd been 77

7 comments:

kimberly said...

thinking of you sweet friend....and hoping that you find comfort in the love that you and gilbert shared.....so wonderful to feel that genuine love and to know love like that!
i used to wake up to the same thing, annette....when our girls were in high school...seemed we had a revolving door to our house!!! :)
love to you,
kimberly

Donetta said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Denise said...

Thank you for sharing your heart about your Dad.. There is no explanation why the heart needs to recall memories and no idea why the timing.... It seems that your "Dad" taught you the meaning of "love without condition" It makes it easier to embrace the Father God when a child has a loving father. You were blessed girl friend and the heart knows no time or space when it come to remembering......... Thanks for sharing, and please remember to introduce him to me one of these days when we stroll the streets of heaven....

John-Michael said...

One of Life's sweetest Gifts to me is the frequent Presence of Dad in my early-morning dreams. Though he and I only knew a closeness in his latter years, I (as the eldest child) always knew a compassionate empathy for his struggles to sort life out. Thank you, My Darling Friend, for including us in these precious reflections.

Loving You, Sweet Annette ...

Patti said...

Wonderful post Annette
Bless your tender heart.
Hugs
Patti

Vickie said...

Annette, you amaze me! Your outlook on life is wonderful. I love hearing about your life the way you write about it.

Just Joni said...

Gilbert was an angel here on earth...flawless in his love for you and I remember how his smile would radiate through the room and I still to this day hear his voice when he was being funny. Flaws in the sense of imperfections? Well, yes, but we are ALL sinners...each and every one of us and from that we learn to value the great sacrifice made by our savior Jesus Christ and hopefully pursue an intimate relationship with Him to better understand how our heavenly Father would have us to live. A garden pot with a crack in it lets more light in to nourish the foundation of the plant...there's my analogy for ya'...I see no reason to let Gilbert go...in fact I know he would get a big kick out of you taking him out of your memory box and celebrating the impact he made on you. When it's all said and done, what do we really have but the love that was left behind? Celebrate that love! Sing it in the streets if you want...I'd come sing with you! I know Gilbert would love the attention...of course I would have to sing slightly off key for all those times he embarrassed us! You are very healthy in your outlook, it's not like you haven't gotten on with your life...you just miss your dad...I'm quite certain your emotions will surface at special times and just know Gilbert was perfect in the very way God made him...no imagery there, just sweet loving memories that are real and treasured...well, I've rambled on enough...blogs are a wonderful thing, but sometimes when people do not know people they can say hurtful things without even realizing it and when that happens one need only to chock it up to ignorance and smile knowing they too exhibit those imperfections that were so carefully embedded in our nature.

Love you Nettie ~

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