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I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a aunt, a friend, a godmother, and best of all....A child of God!!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Summer time, Maturity & Sanity, WHAT?????

Summer time is diffidently here, school last day was yesterday and my Johnanthon is out job hunting, his friend "C" graduates today and then will be heading off too boot camp for the Army, I think in July. Johnanthon went to school this morning to do some welding for extra credits, he came home and told me the teacher invited him and 3 other boys to go on a camping trip sometime this summer, this teacher only picks 4 of his "favorites" and this same teacher hated Johnanthon last year, Johnanthon said, I said "How come honey?" Johnanthon reply "Probably because I was a smart a$$ to him" Uh.....imagine that, a child of mine a smart a$$!!?? I told Johnanthon well see there son, you mature and people change their minds about you and this teacher really does see that your a good guy you just have a dry sence of humor" kind of made me want to cry just a little, I use to tell my Johnanthon' Prove these people wrong about you, let them see that you are a good little boy, he would say back "I dont have to prove nothing to no one but you" ahhhhh, yes, he is my baby. Amanda is taking full advantage of some of her friends being out of school as well, yesterday they all had a " ladies day at the lake", thought I noticed a few things missing from the cupboards, Amanda told me she found out one of her friends are pregnant, I just sat there and shook my head, I said "Let me guess, shes gonna keep the baby uh?" I didnt notice the girl standing there and Amanda's eyes just got HUGE, I just looked at the girl and told her that the best thing she could do was give this baby life, but to seriously think about its future as well as her's, THESE DAMN girls, no excuse to get to pregnant when they can get birth control free, just go figure, this burns me up, but what can I do, probably nothing....
I have had so much going on in my head that I just dont feel like talking to any one, I didnt even want to call Mom the other day but I did cause I had let a week go by with calling her, I think my dads passing is finally hitting home with me, I told my brothers ex wife that my world has been turned upside down in these last 8 months and I am trying so hard to turn it right side up and I'm finding difficult to do, I wonder if I will ever snap out of this? I know people say that God will not give you more than you can handle, but I am having a very, very hard time handling this, first my brother leaving, then 5 months later my real dad leaves, Mom is having issues with her heart, Amanda gives me cr@p all the time over everything, and my Johnanthon is becoming a man and well be serving his country for all of us, and Larry just doesn't understand anything, and work is so demanding, and I'm suppose to handle all of this and keep my sanity too??!!

* and this on my side bar of my blog "Reminders from God".....hmmm, meant for me to read, I didnt read it til after I posted.
Rest more with Me. Alone, away from noise and activity, from these times you come forth filled with Spirit.

5 comments:

Vickie said...

Annette, I wish I could give you a hug. Some day you will wonder how you made it through all of this. The grieveing process takes time and for each of us it's different. Hang in there and just do one day at a time, that's all you can do. Sometimes it will be one minute at a time. Just remember, your friends love you!

Irene said...

Yes Annette, we love you and you take your time turning your world right side up, you have to. What would Amanda and Jonathan do if they didn't have you to talk to.

Donetta said...

Perhaps it is supose to just be upside down right now that is not something you need to feel you have eto change. Go with the flow of the grief. It will not drown you promise.
I have been pulled back too. All things in season. don't think too much bout what folk say God does or does not do. It will get ya all mad at him. We can't know the mind of God wish folks would let that just be. It is good Annette to be...just be. Right there where you are who you are and be.
loving you

kimberly said...

so sorry you are feeling so low, annette.....you've been through so much in a very short time....and there are days when it just seems overwhelming, i am sure.....it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you feel you are so deep inside it....but keep looking my friend....and know you are loved.
i love the reminder from God....such good advice.
hugs and love,
kimberly

Denise said...

I am so sorry sweetie........ You have been through a lot and it takes time to heal....... BUT you will heal and one day the memories will just make you smile...... I just cannot imagine raising children these days.... it was hard enough when mine were young........ You just remember to stay on your knees and turn it all over to the Father God ...... HE knows how to handle those kids!

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