February is a month for love

I know I haven't blogged in a while, almost a week now, but nothing too much is going on, I just haven't felt like it, February has been an emotional month for me, my Dad's birthday, my brother's birthday, Mom & Dad's anniversary, and my Johnanthon's birthday, I am so hoping I will get out of this "daze" feeling I've been feeling lately. Last Thursday was my brother's birthday, I was just a total mess at work, got sent home at lunch, Larry picked me up for lunch and I asked him to please take me to my brothers resting place, he's so kind and understanding when it comes to the love I have for my brother. I did not want to leave my brother, but I think next time I go there I'm taking some grass seed and seed my brothers resting place, I said "Joey, I think I'll seed your piece of land here and you'll have the prettiest grass here and people will ask themselves "Who is here to have the nicest grass" I told Mom and she laughed. My Mom has given me things from " the box" and I went through it last night, pictures of when her and Dad got married, my dad's wallet with his licence and pieces of papers with names and numbers pictures and a note was found that read "I love you Gilbert" with a heart drawn on it from me, and the sign in book from his rosary and funeral, page after page after page of people who attended, she also gave my Johnanthon one his belt buckle, on valentines day she gave me a heart shape little jewelry box with some his jewelery and in it was a gold nugget cross, I will give to my Johnanthon when he goes into the army. I wonder why shes giving me this stuff already? makes me wonder if she knows something that shes not telling?
History can be fun but it can also be very draining, I've missed my 2 very important men that I've had in my life this month and just when I think "I can deal with this" something pops up and makes me relive it again, even though its been almost 20 years since my dad left this world, I still cry, even though its been 5 months since my brother left this world I still cry and when I think back in time Dad's passing is a sweet and beautiful memory and I know in time I will think the same for my brother, a sweet and beautiful memory but for now I will continue to love them both and Thank God for allowing these 2 men into my life that has a huge impact on my molding for life and the love I have in my heart!!