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I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a aunt, a friend, a godmother, and best of all....A child of God!!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

"I think I've Been DREAMING?"

I think I have woken from a dream....just a few years ago I was a mom for the first time, then a very important man leaves my life by God's calling, then I am getting married, then I am a mom again for the second time, then my my baby girl is starting school, and then my baby is in school and now shes graduating and her brother is fast approaching the same, then what I am going to do? I've been so use to waking up and taking 2 beauty's to school and then I wont be doing that before you know it. I can remember telling Larry after bringing Amanda home and getting up and doing those every 2 to 3 hours feeding's "I will never catch up on my sleep" o but to do all over again, those where such special time's, going to sleep with her and Johnanthon snuggled to my breast and feeling their little hands caressing my skin, and feeling their breath and realizing I only had a small part in their making, that God had done the biggest part....Now I cant get Johnanthon to snuggle with me, but Amanda does, she'll lay in bed with me and we just talk about what ever comes to our mind and thoughts, she voices her dreams and fears and I do the same with her.....such special times, I never got to do this with my mom, maybe because she wasn't brought up to show affection, or maybe because she was single mom and worked 3 jobs to make it, but I use to promise my self I would never be like her, I'd hug and kiss my children and remind them all the time how special they are to me and you know what? I do, I do to the point they already know what I am going to say. I remind them that one day they will miss that. John's way of being affection is by just plane picking on you, and yes it gets under my skin real bad, but then I think "He could be taken from me at any given moment." we really don't from one moment to another what can happen, so I let him "get under my skin" life is never boring with him around! he and his sister are two totally different individuals and I love it, and I love my life because of them, they have been my reason for getting out of bed so many times when I didn't want to, and my babies are growing up. I'm sure they'll stay here for as long as possible, I jokily tell them "You're never going to leave this house" then I contradicted my self and say "I wonder how old you'll be when you move out?" So just what do I do when that does happen?

5 comments:

Just Joni said...

Annette, I am going through the same thing only it is occuring a little faster over here...both Erik and Kristin are leaving in July and at first I was devastated, but now I've reached a level of joy to the extent that I feel so fortunate to be here to see them achieve and grow in their own ways...I'm really excited for them. I know there will be more tears shed before it's over, but I am learning so much about life right now...and you will too. We'll get to reclaim our selves and blossom in new areas. It has been a magnificent gift from God that we were priveleged with motherhood, we have raised our children to be independent and we too must learn to be independent again aside from them. I am looking forward to putting together their "care" packages and nagging them about cleaning their toilets, etc. I am mentally making new plans for my house to keep me busy and you too will have ideas spring up when the time is right...we will get through this and the nice thing is we will always be their mommies, but now we can also be ourselves and what great fun that might be exploring the possibilities of what that entails. I've been dreading this empty nest for some time, and yet I know it's not the end of the world...people like Kimberly are very inspirational...she had FIVE children leave home, can you imagine? We'll be just fine my friend...

lots of love to you ~
Joni

Nonnie said...

yes you will be just fine, my dear friend....not to say that there won't be pangs of sadness and anxiety....but as joni said...you will be just fine...

the words joni wrote say everything so well....even addressing the concern....what happens to me then? i remember after all the girls left, that i went through a time of thinking "who am i now?" i have spent my entire adulthood raising children...that had been my primary focus...and now, it wasn't full time, everyday, morning to night....no longer my focus....it was a hard time for me. that is when i chanced upon the books by joan anderson....and while i was reading them, i thought she wrote them with me in mind! :) not in all aspects, but she just wrote a lot of what i was feeling.....and joni hit the nail on the head when she said "we'll get to reclaim ourselves and blossom in new areas" and "we can also be ourselves and what great fun that might be exploring the possibilites of what that entails." love it!
that is why on my blog "about me" i wrote " i'm loving the chance to revisit myself and reinvest in my life."
here comes all kinds of possibilites....and you will still be their mommies!
love to you my friend.....and i only WISH i could wake you on friday! :) no hinting as of yet!
kimberly

Nonnie said...

hope this day is a wonderful one, annette....wishing amanda a happy happy graduation day!
hugs to you,
kimberly

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

I think of Elizabeth leaving me all the time. She is 18..
I am trying to find things to do now to prepare me for that day.
I hate being alone...
Sending you love, Nita

Nonnie said...

oops....guess i was a day early for amanda.....:) just trying to get you a morning to sleep in a day early! :)
hugs,
kimberly

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